Lately it’s just been more and more again. Thoughts drift off, to the past, recent events, not so recent events, most of all things that can’t be forgotten. Good ones, and bad ones, blending in like a soup, in the end, my mind is just a mess.
That, along with the weather, and the fact that I’m sleeping on a couch, makes it really hard to close my eyes, and even if I do, I wake up with vivid dreams of missing that person.
It just pierces my heart we can’t be together, and it feels like I’m left here. Even though I’ve got everything else going for me, nothing else really matters.
Scars of the bad are actually deeper than I thought, my whole reality now could just have been a lot different…stupid me, stupid stupid me.
For being a fool and end up being here, having fought for the wrong person, all along. I need to, need to look forward, but I’m not sure I can do this on my own, even though I have to.
It’s weird, forcing yourself again to stop feeling for a person. For different reasons this time, but definetly not less painful. It feels unnatural, but more and more I understand it has to be done, in order to turn your head to the future, instead of what happened.
Who knows, our lives haven’t ended yet, and the future brings us what’s mean for us, and usually it fixes itself.
I suppose I need to chew really hard on the present to get through it and hope the future’s stil somewhat edible after the aftertaste of the past that’s covering up my whole tongue.